From domination to dress up, sexual fantasies invoke our basic human instincts and sexuality, yet few of us talk about them, so what are they and what do women, in particular, like to fantasise about?
They can be triggered by a thought or memory, an image, be it imagined or real, particular surroundings or scenarios, physical objects or certain people. But whatever it is they all have one thing in common, they create sexual desire and arousal.
Almost all of us have sexual fantasies at one time or another and many are similar for both men and women. There are differences though, and many female sexual fantasies are not as romantically driven as some might expect, so rest assured ladies, you are not alone.
Making your fantasies a reality can be exciting, although not all are easy to do safely and discreetly, and some you may never want to actually do. Talking about sexual fantasies with a partner and exploring them during intimate times together can be a lot of fun and how many Monogomish relationships develop. If you're not ready to share your inner thoughts with others yet, just thinking about them during sex can heighten the senses and add to the excitement.
Many sexual fantasies combine more than one element and what we find exciting is particular to us as individuals, but they are all common female fantasies. So, in no particular order, here we go:
We can probably thank the Fifty Shades franchise for bringing this more to the mainstream, but being dominated was a fantasy for many women long before, and its popularity is a testament to how many people secretly excited by the idea.
There are many variations and flavours, it can overlap into role-playing or BDSM with restraint or it might all be verbal control. Consent is vital so in some scenarios, the use of a safe word is recommended to be sure.
Sex with a Stranger
The advantage of sex with a stranger is that it doesn't come with any relationship baggage or commitments, it's all about the physical. While sex with a long term partner has many advantages, over time it can be hard the replicate the initial excitement and intensity we get when being with someone new. It can also give a feel-good factor by reminding us how it felt at the beginning of our relationship, being desired and pursued.
Threesome... Foursome... Moresome...
The menage a trois is a very common fantasy for men and women of all sexual persuasions. In most cases it involves you being the centre of attention, being lusted after by multiple people is a turn on for most of us. For most women the fantasy is with two (or more) males but any combination can work. For some women, a threesome with another couple can allow them to explore both sides of their sexuality and feel safer with him while also exploring bi-curiosity with her.
Three is the most common fantasy and something all involved can enjoy. For some, this isn't enough and the thrill of multiple partners is what they want, though this probably strays into other areas.
Sex in Public
For some, the excitement of sex in public is hard to beat. A hotel lift, a side alley, the darkness of a cinema, the list of possibilities is endless. It can be spontaneous, quick and passionate or something you plan in advance. There is the thrill of the risk of being caught in the act combined with the thought of someone else enjoying the scene and perhaps even joining in. There is some cross over here with the stripper fantasy too.
A word of caution though, while you might be having an exciting time, don't forget not all might share your enthusiasm. One way around this is to plan in advance, there are many willing voyeurs out there who would be only too happy to be part of your fantasy.
Stripper or Escort
It takes a lot of confidence to be a stripper or escort for real. But the idea of getting paid for entertaining men, or women for that matter, is something many women have thought about. While the reality is almost always going to be less glamorous than the fantasy, the thought of it can be very empowering. You can of course make this a feature of some role play with your partner, and if a little more adventurous another friend too.
We can often feel self-conscious or embarrassed about our fantasies. Taking on a different identity through roleplay and cosplay can be very freeing, allowing us to lose our inhibitions and go places we wouldn't normally go.
Roleplaying some scenarios can allow us to explore other fantasies in the list with an existing partner, so can be a good first step for those interested in going further for real. For example, you can pretend to be strangers meeting at a bar, act out the stripper and punter scene or be the masseur and client. There is no end to the different scenarios you can try.
Dressing up to do this can add to the experience making it feel more real and even overlap into Cosplay although the latter is more often not about sexual fantasy.
It may seem strange that many women confess to having had forced sex or rape fantasies. The reality of this is obviously dangerous and a terrible violation so at first it seems extreme. However, the fantasy would rarely if ever indicate this is something those enjoying the thought of it would actually want to experience.
As with several other fantasies it points at other motivations. The first being sexual desirability, 'I'm so attractive men are unable to control themselves. The topic of many a romantic fiction novel, the dangerous man becomes captivated by the female protagonist and can't resist her. Of course often in these stories eventually, she tames him and they live happily ever after.
Another popular explanation is it avoids blame and feelings of guilt at having sexual fantasies in the first place. How can she be bad or to blame if she was forced against her will?
It's no surprise that sensual massage is a common fantasy for many women. It is a regular search term by women on porn sites. Emily Nagoski says in her book Come As You Are sex can be less fulfilling when we are stressed and can physiologically reduce pleasure and orgasm intensity in women, so it makes sense that a relaxing massage that ends in climax would be high on many women's lists of fantasies.
Sensual massage can also combine several fantasies in one. What women has had a regular massage and not thought about it going further, being submissive and allowing someone to take control. It also plays on the Sex with a Stranger fantasy mentioned at the start of this article.