In most cultures monogamous marriages or partnerships are idealised, or at least that's the official line. However, monogamy is in crisis with higher numbers of us than ever getting divorced or breaking up. So, could there be another way that provides the excitement and satiation we crave while also making your relationship stronger?
Monogamish is a form of Ethical Non-Monogamy that recognises a primary relationship but doesn't adhere to the all or nothing societal boundaries of a traditional monogamous relationship. As such it can offer the best of both worlds, a strong and secure relationship combined with some freedoms that other arrangements offer within agreed boundaries.
Where did the term Monogamish come from?
The term Monogomish was coined in the recent past by relationship and sex columnist Dan Savage when describing the relationship he had with his long-term partner.
There have long been those that don't subscribe to monogamy. Swingers, those in polygamous marriages or open relationships being the most well known. While these work well for some couples, they don't always offer the security and certainty most of us still want. Monogamy itself has also changed. It used to mean one person for life, now it means one person at a time!
What does a Monogamish relationship look like?
There are no set rules for monogamish. This is negotiated by each couple and will differ from one relationship to the next and often changes over time. Monogamish is not about cheating. Deceit can be the ruin of any relationship. This is about respect, consent and mutually agreed boundaries.
So what does Monogomish look like? Jessica O'Reilly at TEDxVancouver described some examples
Thought - Not Action
Even admitting to non-monogamous thoughts for some is taboo, but in a monogamish relationship exploring these thoughts verbally without actually doing anything or involving anyone can be an exciting yet safe first step. This could be talking about who each of you find attractive and what you would like to do with them. Perhaps ask your partner to imagine someone else touching them. Telling your partner I think he/she was checking you out. All these think can add a little excitement.
Talk - Not Touch
Taking it up a notch, you might engage we other people when out. Chatting and flirting at a bar perhaps. A risque conversation yet not acting on anything.
Another Level
Those thoughts and conversations might lead to something more. Involving someone else can mean there is another agenda in the room. To avoid this a first step many take is visiting a professional, and a sensual masseur can be a good way to do this. Doing so means it's all about you as a couple, not the other person and you can set clear boundaries. Ideally, you'll be able to read reviews and be sure of discretion.
Beyond...
After that the options are endless, but the important thing to remember is that monogamish is a mindset, not a manor.
Why do people want Monogamish relationships?
There are a few different reasons people want Monogamish relationships, including:
A shot of adrenaline for an existing relationship. While it might sound counter intuitive, involving others can be a powerful aphrodisiac. Whether that's on an individual basis or as a couple. Threesomes and cuckold fantasies are very common.
Addressing sexual or emotional needs that are not met within an existing relationship. It's not uncommon for there to be a disparity in a couples sex drive, or for one person to have interests that the other doesn't. It doesn't have to be the end of the relationship which may offer many other things you don't want to lose.
Evolving views on commitment. Moving to something that works for you and refelcts modern and more flexible views on commitment.
Monogamish is not always easy.
What are some of the challenges, concerns and pitfalls of monogomish relationships:
Jealousy is probably one of the most common problems to overcome in a monogamish relationship. This is more likely to happen where one person wants openness more than the other, or there are unmet expectations, or misaligned values.
Social Norms & Stigma. While different relationship styles are becoming more common and visible, we still live in a society that idolises monogamy. As such, societal judgments around straying from the strict monogamous model can put additional pressure on relationships.
Trust issues can be an ongoing problems between different relationships. Communication is vital to deal with trust issues and make a success of monogamish relationships.
Monogamish at Sensual Bodyworks.
There are a number of options at Sensual Bodyworks that might be of interest for couples wanting to explore a monogamish lifestyle includling Sensual Couples Massage & Cuckold Massage. Exploring in a safe and controlled professional environment can help with jealosy and trust issues too.
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