There has been an increasing interest in cuckolding in recent times. According to Pornhub, there are over 1.75 million searches for "cuckold", "cuck" or "cucked" every month, and this is increasing year on year. Despite the obvious interest few people talk publicly about it, so what is it all about?
In simple terms, a cuckold is a person who is aroused by their partner engaging in sexual activity with someone else.
The word cuckold was originally used to describe the husband of an adulterous wife, derived from the cuckoo's habit of laying its egg in another bird's nest. References to cuckolding appear in literature from as early as the 13th century, with possibly the best-known example being in The Millers Tale by Geoffrey Chaucer.
Historically, the term referred to a man who was unknowingly cheated on by his wife and was usually seen as a sign of weakness and humiliation. In modern parlance, this is often not the case, and today being cuckolded is a powerful sexual fantasy for many men as well as a few women.
The modern cuckold typically encourages their partner to stray. According to a study by Justin Lehmiller, as many as 58% of men and about a third of women had fantasized about cuckolding. He also found that far from being a sign of weakness, acting on cuckolding fantasies was largely a positive experience for most couples.
There are several theories and factors as to why people enjoy the cuckold fantasy.
Biology & Jealousy
There is a phenomenon referred to as Human Sperm Competition, which many believe plays a part in the desire to be cuckolded. That’s if the cuck is someone with a penis, of course.
It is suggested that seeing your partner with another man prompts a biological response for longer and more vigorous sex, and can often result in the male ejaculating harder, having more sperm in their ejaculate. The male can have a shorter refractory period between erections so they’re ready to have sex again sooner.
It's also thought that knowing someone else wants your partner can help make you see them as more sexually desirable making you want them more. Sexual jealousy can be intense and motivating with some research suggesting jealousy also helps drive sperm competition by getting the male ready to win the fight to mate and impregnate the female.
Compersion & Taboo
Compersion is the opposite of jealousy; it’s the happiness you feel seeing someone you love being happy. The most obvious example is how you feel when your children come home from school having had a fantastic day.
Although less common it can also occur when you see your partner happy and excited at having had a sexual liaison with another. The feeling is often used by people in polyamorous relationships to describe seeing their partner courting and even falling in love with someone else.
Society idealises monogamy, so even though cuckolding is a common fantasy, it’s still considered taboo to share your partner with another - and we all like to be naughty and break the rules now and again?
Humiliation & Submission
Humiliation plays an important role for some in cuckolding and comes from the ridicule or inferiority a person might normally feel when their partner cheats on them, particularly with a younger, stronger or more dominant male. Watching a partner with someone else can increase the erotic intensity, especially with some extra humiliation thrown in, like being laughed at by their partner.
The cuckold is essentially submitting to someone else taking over their role in the bedroom. The pleasure can come from giving up that power of sexually pleasing their partner to someone else.
Pride & Domination
For some humiliation is not a part of the attraction at all, and while it might be the case with real infidelity, when taking place between consenting adults there is no betrayal.
In some circles to differentiate the subtleties of the fetish, other terms are used. The term Hotwife is used when a partner encourages his female partner and doesn't take part. Rather than humiliation this is about feeling pride that others find their partner attractive and desirable. Also, Stag & Vixen, when a partner encourages his wife or partner and is not only involved but is dominant in the scenario.
However, these distinctions and terms have come into use in relatively recent times, first being seen in the mid-90s onwards. They are also often used interchangeably by non-aficionados.
For couples just starting out on an erotic journey together, setting out to involve others can seem quite daunting and they can be unsure how and where to start. The first and most important thing to do is communicate, consider asking and answering questions such as:
What is it about cuckolding that turns you on?
Is this just a fantasy or something you really want to try?
You say you want this now but how will you feel after?
How far would you want to take this?
How do you think this will benefit our relationship?
Secondly, you can't undo it once done, so take your time and decide how you really feel about it before pushing ahead.
There are many sites for liberated people to meet each other but it can be difficult to find genuine people there. There is a thriving club scene in the UK but again this can be a bit full-on especially for a couples first experience.
A sensual massage can be a wonderful and gentle first step on this journey. It provides a safe and controlled environment that is all about you as a couple, with no one else’s agenda or needs to consider. You’re able to specify what you want and set any boundaries in advance and remain in control at all times. If you would like to talk about options feel free to get in touch.